Do Older People Lose Their Egos?

The Difference Between Growing Old and Growing Wise

Jul 11, 2025

Welcome to The Wealthy Sage Newsletter, where clarity meets action and connection leads to sustainable success.

Today’s reflection explores the subtle but important distinction between ageing and evolving, and what it means to relate to ego with grace and wisdom.

It’s a common observation — or perhaps a quiet hope — that with age comes a softening of the ego. But is this true? Do older people really shed their attachment to identity, status, and self-importance?

The answer isn’t so simple. While some do seem to age into wisdom, humility, and peace, others cling harder to control, nostalgia, or personal relevance. Age, it turns out, is not a guarantee to transcend ego, but it does open the door.

This piece is part of my Develop Self and Others series, where we explore the timeless qualities that shape meaningful and successful lives.

A Shift in Perspective

As people grow older, priorities often change. The hunger for external validation, such as promotions, accolades, keeping up appearances, tends to fade. Health and relationships rise in importance. Loss becomes more familiar. And mortality moves from theory to reality.

These experiences naturally reduce the ego’s grip. Not because the ego disappears, but because its demands feel less urgent. There’s more room for reflection, more acceptance of imperfection, and more appreciation of life’s small moments.

Psychologist Erik Erikson called this stage of life ego integrity, a phase he described marked by a sense of wholeness and acceptance, rather than regret. When achieved, it brings peace. When missed, it can lead to bitterness.

When Ego Hardens

But not everyone reaches that stage. Some people double down on the ego in response to ageing. This type chase status symbols, resist change, or insist on being right all the time. For them, the ego becomes a shield against irrelevance or decline.

These are often the individuals who struggle most with letting go, not just of youth, but of control. In such cases, the ego hasn’t diminished. It’s simply become more brittle.

From Master to Servant

The real transformation isn’t about losing the ego, but about relating to it differently. As the saying goes, “The ego is a good servant, but a bad master.”

Older people who age well often retain a healthy sense of self but they’re no longer consumed by the need to be seen, heard, or validated. They’ve made peace with who they are and what they’re not. They’ve learned to let go.

In many ways, this shift is what we call wisdom.

Final Thought

So do older people lose their egos?

I’d say that some do, or rather, they outgrow the need for ego to be in charge. Others don’t. It depends not on age, but on whether a person has done the work to grow beyond ego’s illusions.

The opportunity is there for all of us: not just to get older, but to grow wiser. What is your choice?

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I write about where wisdom meets action, where stories and numbers come together to shape better decisions and more intentional and successful lives.

I look forward to hearing your views, and always reply to comments.